Hey readers,
This is one of those posts where I am going to ramble and hope it makes sense to you.
I make a lot of things in my life, crafts, art, gifts, surprises... But what I don't make is time to myself. I don't get much alone time. I'm actually afraid of it and avoid it a lot. I'm afraid to be alone and afraid to be by myself because I have this crazy idea that if you're alone you have nothing. I'm slowly figuring out that that's not true. When you are alone, you are with the only person who can pull you through the toughest moments of your life: yourself.
I've been thinking more and more about this blog, and I feel like it's all about image. How I look, what looks good on people, what are my favorite pieces or clothing, accessories etc. That's great, and I know there are a lot of blogs out there about fashion and helping people with their self confidence. But I want mine to be different, I want my blog to be about self expression.
How do people express themselves? I think it is different for everybody. For many it's through art or writing. I'm starting to think that those aren't my forte. I know I'm decent at art, and I write okay stories, but I don't feel like I've gotten any feelings out once I've painted a picture, or written a short story. I think my best form of expression is through speaking.
I remember I wrote a speech in my 9th grade Geography class on homophobic bullying in school. I remember that I went first, and after I was done, the whole room clapped and one of the popular girls said "Whoa, beat that." to the girl going next, and there was a friendly chuckle throughout the classroom. I had taken a very controversial topic, and I moved my classroom to think about my points. And trust me, these kids probably had no intention of even listening. But I saw one or two put down their phones, and start paying attention about half way through. They could hear my confident voice, and my passion about equality through my words. It's funny, that was the first time some of them had heard me speak out loud. I was in the first row but I was always quiet. After that day, people included me in more conversations and I didn't feel so alone. Expressing myself didn't get me real friends, but it did give me confidence, a power of all it's own.
A power that only I could give myself.
When I'm upset about something, I talk to people. I usually end up talking to my dad when I'm upset about something that happened at school, or a class mate who is bugging me, because I can talk to him, releasing the anger on the topic, and he is willing to sit there and be that sound board for me. He will be there for me to shout at, hug, cry on his shoulder, whatever I need. And I am so grateful for that.
Expressing yourself isn't always easy. I often end up in tears when I'm trying to say something important. But that never stops me. I always push through the overwhelming emotions and say what I need to say. Sometimes I end up in uncomfortable situations because of what I say, but it's those situations that teach me that speaking up is the right thing to do, whether it's about something good or something bad.
Do something to express yourself after you read this. It doesn't have to be right now, it doesn't even have to be today if you're not ready, but soon, express what you really feel about something or someone. Even if it ends badly you will have spoken out, in some way, shape, or form, and you will know that you can do it again. That is one of my greatest tools, looking back at what I've done before and knowing that I can do it again. If you feel like you want to express yourself here, or tell your story of self expression, feel free to comment.
Express yourself, love yourself, and know that you are enough.
<3
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