New direction?

Hey readers, 

This is one of those posts where I am going to ramble and hope it makes sense to you. 

I make a lot of things in my life, crafts, art, gifts, surprises... But what I don't make is time to myself. I don't get much alone time. I'm actually afraid of it and avoid it a lot. I'm afraid to be alone and afraid to be by myself because I have this crazy idea that if you're alone you have nothing. I'm slowly figuring out that that's not true. When you are alone, you are with the only person who can pull you through the toughest moments of your life: yourself. 

I've been thinking more and more about this blog, and I feel like it's all about image. How I look, what looks good on people, what are my favorite pieces or clothing, accessories etc. That's great, and I know there are a lot of blogs out there about fashion and helping people with their self confidence. But I want mine to be different, I want my blog to be about self expression. 

How do people express themselves? I think it is different for everybody. For many it's through art or writing. I'm starting to think that those aren't my forte. I know I'm decent at art, and I write okay stories, but I don't feel like I've gotten any feelings out once I've painted a picture, or written a short story. I think my best form of expression is through speaking. 

I remember I wrote a speech in my 9th grade Geography class on homophobic bullying in school. I remember that I went first, and after I was done, the whole room clapped and one of the popular girls said "Whoa, beat that." to the girl going next, and there was a friendly chuckle throughout the classroom. I had taken a very controversial topic, and I moved my classroom to think about my points. And trust me, these kids probably had no intention of even listening. But I saw one or two put down their phones, and start paying attention about half way through. They could hear my confident voice, and my passion about equality through my words. It's funny, that was the first time some of them had heard me speak out loud. I was in the first row but I was always quiet. After that day, people included me in more conversations and I didn't feel so alone. Expressing myself didn't get me real friends, but it did give me confidence, a power of all it's own.

A power that only I could give myself.

When I'm upset about something, I talk to people. I usually end up talking to my dad when I'm upset about something that happened at school, or a class mate who is bugging me, because I can talk to him, releasing the anger on the topic, and he is willing to sit there and be that sound board for me. He will be there for me to shout at, hug, cry on his shoulder, whatever I need. And I am so grateful for that. 

Expressing yourself isn't always easy. I often end up in tears when I'm trying to say something important. But that never stops me. I always push through the overwhelming emotions and say what I need to say. Sometimes I end up in uncomfortable situations because of what I say, but it's those situations that teach me that speaking up is the right thing to do, whether it's about something good or something bad.

Do something to express yourself after you read this. It doesn't have to be right now, it doesn't even have to be today if you're not ready, but soon, express what you really feel about something or someone. Even if it ends badly you will have spoken out, in some way, shape, or form, and you will know that you can do it again. That is one of my greatest tools, looking back at what I've done before and knowing that I can do it again. If you feel like you want to express yourself here, or tell your story of self expression, feel free to comment.

Express yourself, love yourself, and know that you are enough.

<3

Goals, Dreams and Life - It's ALL Your Choice

Many thoughts have been swirling in my head lately. I've been thinking more "bigger picture" then I usually do, so I thought I'd share some of it.

It's all started because I've been feeling really lethargic lately, and I know I really need to start exercising again. I was in Karate for 6 and a half years and I earned my black belt in sixth grade. I did quit soon after for very silly reasons that I don't believe anymore. Anyways, my mom bought the P90X workout program last year for the family, so I think I'm going to start that up pretty soon. I really want to get back into daily exercising, because of the health benefits. I sleep so much better, I'm less crabby, and I have a happier disposition.

Right now the only way I exercise is dancing in my room to loud music. I can work up a sweat pretty fast, because I absolutely love to dance. If my family had the money, I would be in dance lessons. I don't know which kind, but probably either hip hop, break dancing, or some sort of dance team. Sadly, we don't have the money, so dancing around my room it is. 

When I exercise I really like the boot camp type of workout. I love that feeling you get once you've completed your 50th pushup in a row, no matter how much you're going to feel it the next day. Or the feeling after a workout when you feel charged and ready for anything, alert and happy. the happy is what really gets me, I like to feel happy. I don't know anybody who doesn't but I like this natural HEALTHY way to feel happy. I've been struggling with fitting in a work out, where to work out, it sounds boring, what to do for exercise, etc. 

However, I've come to this conclusion that you don't really need a fancy gym membership or a thousand workout DVD's. You can work out just fine with some music that gets you pumped and moving. Even if all you can handle is walking, try to find a route that has a slope, or even a big hill, because even if you don't get to the top the first time, you always have next time, and the time after that. If you don't make it up that hill the first try, or the second, just think about how much happier you are going to feel the minute you reach the top of that hill for the first time. It's all down hill from there and you are on your way to a healthy life style and healthy living.

And here's where the big thinking came in. It's taken me several days to mull this over, which is why I didn't post it right away. See, the secret to getting big things in life done or reaching large goals is baby steps. You can't become an olympic swimmer overnight, no matter what the movies tell you. It's just not possible. But with patience, endurance, willpower and positivity, you can succeed at anything you put your mind to. Whether that be losing 5 pounds or having a consistently clean house, or even just a clean car. Even if all you can do is put a trash can in your car and remind people to use it, that could make the world a different place for your passengers. Simply empty the garbage when you fill up the tank and your car is on it's way to being clutter-free. Little things like a messy car may seem small, but if you had a bad day, and you sit down in a car that's nice and tidy, you'd be surprised how much it can brighten your day.

Your life is what you choose to make it. I know I'm young, and I know I'm not an expert, but seriously. If something is making you really unhappy, maybe it's time to do some problem solving about it. You would be surprised at how much that one thing, or ten things, can drive you nuts, and you might not even be aware of it. Think about what's bothering you, and I'm guessing that there will be something you can do about it. The choice is always yours, to change your life, to change your mind about something, to change your attitude towards someone, whatever it might be. Even if all you can do is accept that there isn't much you can do, that is doing something, in itself. And those choices are what make you stronger. Those choices are what make you wiser. Those choices make your life yours and ultimately makes you you. 

You are the master of your own mind. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Never forget that.

<3